EU Security Levels Raised…

Received over e-mail and had me rolling on the floor laughing from line 1! No source credits whatsoever I’m afraid, but please don’t believe me and try google it for yourself….. very, very British though. Enjoy! :o)

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from ‘Miffed’ to Peeved’.
Soon, however, security levels may have to be raised again to ‘Irritated’ or even ‘A Bit Cross’.

Londoners have not been ‘A Bit Cross’ since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have also been re-categorized from ‘Tiresome to a ‘Bloody Nuisance. The last time the British issued a ‘Bloody Nuisance’ warning level was during the great fire of London in 1666. This is perceived as the absolute limit. ‘If these terrorist chaps have a grievance, why can’t they just write an angry letter to the BBC?’ was the comment overheard in the Tube.

The French government also announced yesterday that it had raised its terror alert level from ‘Run’ to ‘Hide’. The only two higher levels in France are ‘Surrender’ and ‘ Collaborate’. This latest rise was precipitated by a fire that destroyed France ’s White Flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

In addition to the British and the French, Italy has increased its alert level from ‘Shout Loudly and Excitedly’ to ‘Elaborate Military Posturing’. Two more levels remain, ‘Ineffective Combat Operations’ and ‘Change Sides’.

The Belgians on the other hand are all on. holiday and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Finally the Spanish are very excited as their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Germans increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two Higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

And finally, the Irish have raised their alert status from “What The Hell Is Going On ? ” to “I Think I Need Another Drink”.

The NATO authorities have agreed that the terrorist situation must be neutralized before the Irish manage to escalate to “Come On Lads, Someone Needs A Beating” or, God forbid, “Where’s My Pants?”